the background: two of my friends, adam miller and gordon anderson, recently saw some d00ds wearing shirts that basically said, “accept jesus or accept permanent damnation.” because of these rather harsh words, we figured that these religious wackos have a much different bible than most people. i.e. it features a much harder and more kickass jesus.

the idea: because that thought made us giggle like little girls, we thought that we should write one such bible about a more badass, less lovable jesus. and you’d better believe there will be sodomy.

-our jesus will fight mostly blacks and jews.

-most, if not all chapters/sentences will end with the phrase “and then [the victim] knew the awesome, terrible strength of the lord jesus christ.”

-we’re going to claim it’s well over 2000 years old, even though there will be very obvious modern cultural touchstones. for example, in one of the chapters in the book of gordon, jesus fights the great jew steven spielberg… and possibly chuck liddell from UFC.

primarily, why does my name not link to my page here when i post a comment? i don’t remember ever having a say in that.

next, how come there is no link to my profile on my page like all the cool guys have?

thirdendarily, how does one go about posting video on one’s page?

i believe that covers all my questions for now. if any of you l337 h4x0rz can keep a n00b like me from getting pwn3d, it would be most excellent.

and because chelsea asked for it:
i want to make a cereal called “latin-o’s!” it would be like lucky charms but it would taste like tacos. and i would have carlos mencia market it for me. he’d be all like, “i’m so EDGY, homes! this CEREAL is so EDGY! like crossing the BORDER!” and the white people will be like “what?” and the latinos will be like “what? i will purchase some of this cereal.”

that looks like a midget.

i don’t think she is,

but she looks like one.

you can see her stubby fingers from here.

how can she carry anything with such useless digits?

i don’t hate her,

i just don’t trust her.

and now

she just hit her knee on a chair

and i think she’s dead.

the first stupid thing i saw/read was a headline on espn.com that said “Bonds hits 741th HR in win vs. Dodgers”

…741th. huh.

the second stupid thing i saw/read came from the mind of rudy “ol’ rusty balls” giuliani:
“The former mayor said if a Democrat is elected, ‘it sounds to me like we’re going on defense. We’re going to wave the white flag there.’ But, he said, if a Republican wins, ‘we will remain on offense’ trying to anticipate what the terrorists are going to do and ‘trying to stop them before they do it.’”

these sleezball politicians are officially out of control. it has gotten to the point that they don’t even realize what words they are defining. i could be wrong here, but last time i played sports, trying to stop someone from doing something before they do it is called defense. like i said, i could be wrong, but i’m not. what america needs is a nice, hard kick in the balls.

i take that back. a hobo wearing a mcdonald’s bag on his head takes a close second.

Let me lay down the law of this:
1.) I will not use capital letters unless what I have to say is somewhat important.*
2.) Most of the time I will not say anything important. Act accordingly.
3.) There is a high chance that there will be no correlation between any two posts here. I don’t know yet, though. We’ll behead that king when we get to him.
4.) Updates will be sporadic, of this much I am sure. I may update 24 times in a single day in an attempt to be like Jack Bauer with a blog or I may update once every time the human race mutates into a new species.
5.) The N-Word is NOT allowed.
6.)
7.) i love medication commercials. they make me never want to watch TV again.
8.) is a good place to stop.

*This is because I believe that captial letters are simply there to exploit the lower-case letter proletariat. However, sometimes one must use the capital letters to properly mobilize the proletariat.